Really sorry about no posts here. (ok I heard some of you say who cares - but being the kind and generous should that I am ;-) I shall overlook it.) The thing is that a lot of funny and crazy things happen here, but I don’t think I can put them up. No of course not.... they are not the censored kind (Wherever did you come up with that) Well there are a few parties and lots of Bhaat (IIT lingo for talking) (of course when everyone’s spirits are high and the world is a friendlier place) I mean I can never understand why they say that you should not drink and go to work.... Wouldn’t the atmosphere be more friendly (No I haven’t tried) When it comes to such issues I have to clarify, lest you get the wrong ideas :-)
I remember my first drink... It was at a near and dear ones place.... There was this bottle on the table. Not a Jack Daniels, nor even something as humble as an Old Monk. It was this regular 2 litre Pepsi bottle (These guys should pay me for putting their name here :-) In it was a colourless liquid. We shall call it water for the time being (Ok I know that you guessed it Sherlock) So I pick up this bottle and ask if it was for the kids (Yeah there were small kids in the house, tiny ones to be precise). Well the near-and-dear one says no... and takes off. I pay no heed to the smirk...
Well so I opened the cap and guzzled the "water" like there was no tomorrow. (I was thirsty and no I am not making this up for the blog to be more entertaining). Well the rest is history... There almost wasn’t any tomorrow. That was pure and neat country (or as we call it in Mumbai - Narangi) liquor. After about 3 swallows that "elixir of life" tasted horrid and burnt. So I rush to the sink and I spew what was left in my mouth all over the sink. I took a deep breath and tried to extinguish the fire in my chest and in my stomach.
I later "heard" that even tequila shots don’t do that to you.
Like the theory of the heating rod, I have a lot of theories on booze too.
1. You talk a lot
2. You puke a lot
3. Most of your dirty secrets come out (No I obviously don’t have any. And no I don’t want to drink with you if that is your intention)
4. You actually get the courage to ask someone out.
5. You walk all zig-zag.
6. You get to be YOURSELF. (No I am the same either wise - did I just say that)
7. You believe that you can fly (Yeah my near-and-now-not-so-dear one lives on the 6th floor)
8. And you never remember anything the next day.
9. And oh yeah.. you get a mother of all hangovers (Whatever that is supposed to be... ;-))
... and many more.
So I sneaked onto the couch (after about 3 glasses of water, 2 of milk and 2 bananas (no this was not at the time of my breakfast) Just did it to try and put out the fire so to speak) and went to sleep.Yeah this was also a theory of mine... When you are drunk you sleep a lot. (Please don’t try and connect it simultaneously with talking and hurling - That is simply disgusting) Although I am pretty sure that the events take place in the following sequence: talking, proposing (For the romantically inclined), Fighting (for the warrior in you), puking and then sleeping. Do correct me if I am wrong.Now it is burning so much that I cannot get sleep. So that theory went out of the window. And I was not hurling (I was mighty pleased at that theory being disproved. Thought that I had some capacity), but I tried and remembered all that happened after that. As you can see that you have a very detailed description. Well lets just say that a lot of my theories got disproved at that time and we shall consider it as a very valuable contribution to the field of science called boozeism. (No I am sure that alcoholism is different)
So that was my first time....
Friday, February 10, 2006
Smart System Admin
Check this out... A smart system admin....
Mr Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.
One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never **** with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Name Omitted
Mr Baker, As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of myself and my co-workers during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time. Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know about Unix, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.
I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers b-day", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please, I hate having to correct your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow.
One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never **** with your systems administrators, because they know what you do with all your free time.
Sincerely,
Name Omitted
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)