Monday, March 20, 2006

Finding...

You dont know when
You dont know how
You fear it so
It comes to you anyhow

You seek it not
Of its thoughts you deny
It passes you in the street
You turn a cold blind eye

A touch on your shoulder
You smile and turn
With beseeching eyes it begs
Ever so gently do you spurn

For your conscience is mum
Of the wrong you undertake not
And you envision the fable
That you live without

Truth is what you uphold
Deceit into the dust
But the soft gentle calling
Seems wont to betray the trust

With infinite patience
It watches in wait
Unpining and knowing
For this is the defining trait

For this takes its time to mature
Like all the best wine does
And the heady feeling that succeeds
Is the part that it loves

For some their tongue may wag
Others cry out their soul
But the worst to be are those
That let one slip, in control

It could wait for this one
It would wait for long
It should wait forever
Just for it only to belong

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Division Bell

Where were you when I was burned and broken
While the days slipped by from my window watching
Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless
Because the things you say and the things you do surround me
While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words
Dying to believe in what you heard
I was staring straight into the shining sun

Today I heard The Division Bell 5 times. And I am sure that I shall hear it at least once more before I sleep tonight. The first time after you wake up at 12 noon on a thoroughly gloomy day and feel like one of those ... well ... those "Floyd" days. Switch on your comp and speakers and queue up Division Bell (Yeah today didn’t feel like "The Wall" day at all) listening to the riffs on A Great Day for Freedom and then to Cluster One. What better way to start the day. Well I thought I'd have lunch after that. You think so??? Of course not! Listened to the whole album before I even thought of getting up from my bed including High Hopes twice. I was slowly getting into the zone. This is feeling real real good. Nothing is bothering me. Who says you need alcohol? Who talks about dope at this moment? The peace was immense. As Sumit says... "You are now in the zone" There is no getting out of it if you don’t want to... Who would ever want to? Wafting with the breeze, listening to the rain on the softening earth outside, hearing the voices of someone somewhere... in fact anyone... anywhere... tapering out... then that complete disconnectivity... disjointedness, disatriculatedness, dismembered sounds stirred into a slow and soothing garble... the sweet sound of laughter suddenly bring a smile to my face. Inhaling the intoxicating smell of the dank earth and the wind dotted with water on your face, touching your parched lips and shut eyes. Nothing matters anymore... nothing at all. Did it ever?

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
To a glimpse of how green it was on the other side
Steps taken forwards but sleepwalking back again
Dragged by the force of some inner tide


You and your worries are "poles apart" and the rain just "keeps talking"There is a heady spell over you, lost and found (what?), Zooming in and out of reality, losing consciousness to a deep, deep, dark, luring,

There's a silence surrounding me
I can't seem to think straight
I'll sit in the corner
No one can bother me
I think I should speak now (Why won't you talk to me)
I can't seem to speak now (You never talk to me)
My words won't come out right (What are you thinking)
I feel like I'm drowning (What are you feeling)
I'm feeling weak now (Why won't you talk to me)

The void of sleep beckons... Darkness opens her arms... Sheltered from the rain and the breeze

Resplendent in black
Solemn presence
Kindly always watching
Yet unmoving

Her svelte style
Her knowing smile
With her gentle hand
You call her darkness

The newspaper slips from between my fingers and makes a shushing sound as it graces the floor. In the corner the dust swirls... lazily round and round. Seems that the evening wind is not only eddying my senses. Round and round. The dust flies... Enter Sandman... Nah! "Take it back'

She might take it back, she could take it back some day

Sleepy now... more than that actually… more like... I don't know what. I don’t want to think... I just want to write on and on and on... But there are no more words, no more syllables, no more sentences, no more nothing, no more no more...

From morning to night I stayed out of sight
Didn't recognize I'd become
No more than alive I'd barely survive
In a word... overrun

No more... An…

Where were you???

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Makhaud!

Havent written anything of great consequence here for a while... ok probably never. So I thought that on this great dull saturday (on which I had a class by the way... that was a guest lecture... which I also attended... Yeah instead of sleeping) that I would write something here for just the heck of it. Well I have been here (in Kharagpur - a.k.a. KGP) for a long time now. Well a perceptively long time now and it gets to you sometime. The life here is awesome! That is not the problem. Nor is the weather (Which by KGP standards is awesome) cool breezes all day, a searing heat ONLY in the afty and lovely evenings. Maybe it is just the fact that I miss the best place on earth - Mumbai. Trust me once you are hooked to that city no amount rehab can get that out of your veins. Well it is the spring feeling too. Which leads you to think that there is a problem and what is the problem. Frankly... I don't know. Just feel a little makhaud (makhaud is a feeling of bored in this context). Frankly you know this feeling when you get to philosophising about life. Now you usually don't do this if you are someone like me. The weather is awesome for a game of football or what they call footer here in KGP. But I sort of messed up my leg playing the first match. What irritates me the most is the fact that I cannot play any more matches and I am supposed to rest. I cannot stay in my room for more than 8 hours on any normal day and here I am supposed to rest in my room. Just not happening. It is a beautiful day to just walk around, but I can't because I have to hobble. Ok now it is not as bad as it may sound and this news should obviously not reach my home. Anyways... I shall just head back to my room and sleep the rest of the day off. Maybe listen to some Iron Maiden.. The wickerman seems to be an awesome song for the moment, and of course Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green day... fantastic song, queue up Mama I'm coming home (Ozzy) with a little Paradise Lost (Small town boy). Actually more of Paradise lost (Got a good gothic twinge to it). Metallica???? Hmmmmnnn... Nah.... nopes not even Enter Sandman or the Unforgiven 2. Rammstein is way to heavy for such a beautiful day. Moster magnet is nice though.

You're stone monolithic
I smell it on your breath
You gotta 'bout nothin' to say
Keep spending all your money
And love yourself to death...
Very inappropriate... sounds good for the moment.

Nightwish.... Gethsemane
Enchantment has but one truth
I weep to have what I fear to lose

And Nemo
Oh how I wish
For soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart
Lost in the dark
For hope I`d give my everything
Awesome tune and brilliant voice...