"Does this make me look fat?"

Any guy must have almost certainly been asked this question and ANYBODY knows that there is no
right answer to this question. But were you ever left stumbling for an answer? Or an
expressionless 'poker' face? Were you ever reprimanded for being too callous in ignoring this
question? Or in giving some kind of a 'ho-hum' answer? Did you ever experiment with the truth?
(As tempting as it may be, just even if you wanted to be different)
My first tryst with this question was when my very near and very very (cuz note the 2 very's)
dear cuz asked me this before going out in the evening. I swear! She was just going for a walk on
a very quotidian promenade filled primarily with sweaty and grunting joggers and people with
dogs! As it was the first time I was put to this third-degree question, not knowing the
implications I replied "slightly". Well the question was re-put abeit with a very stern eye.
Completely missing the point of the re-test and the stern eye, I gave her another once over and
suggested that maybe she could keep her shirt out instead. Needless to say I was ignored for the remainder of the evening and repeated requests to the nature of my misdemeanor were disregarded. I found out later on.
I have had repeated tests since then from near and dear ones, girlfriends, just friends,
acquaintences, colleagues, friend's sisters, women in contention for the role of Mammy two-shoes in the Tom and Jerry remake, sporting wimmen and hellraisers, neighbours and whatnot. I did make it through only a few by the skin of my teeth. If looks could kill, then I was staring down the barrels of a sawn-off shot gun at point blank range!

Believe me the solution you get in the hit sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S. doesn't work at all. You know
what I am talking about right? The scene where Ross and Chandler are discussing 'trick'
questions? It goes something like this

C: She asked me if I looked fat and I looked.....
R(interrupting): You looked!!??? Dude you NEVER look.
C: OK.R(continuing): Do I look fat? No! It should be like that. Instant. Reflex.

I tried this once and was met with a stony look and "You never even looked!" I did try defending myself with "I don't need to look", but you can guess how that turned out.
You can also refer to this place for more help.

As most of the analysts to this question will tell you, the safest thing to do is to have a severe epileptic seizure just before that question is finished being posed. If you can slip a sly finger down your throat without your Significant Other (SO) noticing and hurl, you may just get away with it. However this is very unadvisable when you have finally selected the matching tie after
"You are kidding me right?"
"Why don't you just put a red ball on your nose?"
"It looks like your suit is having an Orgasm"
...and then
"Where is the one I gave you the last Christmas?"
DA WINNING TIE!!
(But that is another story...)

On the other hand if you really think that your SO's dress is too... yunnoh... well unappropriate you can also tell them the truth. This also helps in getting you out of any social events that you would much rather eschew. Another very important aspect is the age group you are involved in. Much to my chagrin, I discovered that my 10 year old ex-sweet cousin was also very fashion conscious. Anyways she spilt some syrup down the front of that top. Well that showed her! We are all in tune with the 15 to the 30 (I assume that the thought process would be the same) year olds. Well if an "older woman" asks me this question (if ever) I go uhhhmm... and she in all her infinite wisdom and goodness smiles serenely and says ok. I haven't found out yet what that means. If you know the answer do let me know.